Ok .. caught up on your sitch ... and like you said in my thread .. the similarities of all our sitches ... scary. But whats frustrating is what works for one ... would backfire for another. So with that I have noticed here and there your reactions to things. There is no right or wrong here in MLCville ... and I have had some HUGE backslides where I let out some steam and let W have it ... figured .. ok I screwed up bigtime ... 4 days later it was like nothing happened. Just know that and don't be so hard on yourself you are doing fine
Another thing ... this MLC ... it takes forever and a day, and thats IF they wake up. I read somewhere else that if your MLC'r came to you wanting to make it all good ... watch out, its about 2 years after BD before they are even close to this ... this helped me realize my nightmare was not going to end anytime soon ... even more .. that she may never come out. You said you could see the Guilt in her face ... Mine is the same way ... that guilt eats at them, but I fear in my W's case may keep her in the tunnel longer because she is not going to want to face what she has done during the crisis .... her issue and her battle and I pray she finds the strength to face it, but in reality I am not so sure she ever will.
So you have some time to gather yourself ... I too have become far more spiritual and grounded, I know just as much as the MLC destroyed my M and family ... it saved me. I have started to realize I am the Phoenix that is rising out from the ashes ... it took a long time for me, scary as he11 to be honest ... but thats who I am meant to be and I know without the MLC I would never have arrived here. There is a reason for you too ... you know that ... you are doing well ... turn this inward and begin to develop the new you.
