Today is paperwork gathering day. Tax returns (this is something he never even shows me, I'm not sure why but tax documents are secretive with him so I'm not even sure how to get a hold of them), retirement statements, bank statements, house info.
Most likely you won't be able to get them in time for your meeting - but you can get copies of tax returns directly from the IRS. Google this (I would provide the link - but I think it might be against board rules). You night be able to get an electronic copy automatically - but most likely you will have to fill out the form and mail it off. Start this right away. Being secretive about tax returns is troubling. If he used a tax preparer you should be able to get a copy directly from them.
Originally Posted By: Ss06
Even once I talk to these attys and get a feel for financial calculations I worry that stbx's forgetful brain will forget to write the check (he's notorious for forgetting things like this for WEEKS!!) and I don't want to have to nag him. I'm afraid of him saying things like, "you don't really need that much money and it's so hard on me to pay it out, blah, blah, blah..."
In California you can set it up so that the local county automatically deducts from his account every month and deposits it into yours. If you are worried about this - you can insist on it (I'm letting STBX give me a check every month)
Originally Posted By: Ss06
uR, you're right about finding a strong team who will fight for me should stbx decides to fight hard. And frankly, I see him doing just that, spurred on by his parents. I will definitely find out the attorneys "bull-dog" level.
It might work out this way - but it might not. Your H might just want to get it done and over with. Prepare for the worst but don't worry too much yet
Originally Posted By: Ss06
My questions list is short. I need help there if you're able.
I'll let uR respond - but I would also ask the atty about the job you are working and if it helps or harms you.
Originally Posted By: Ss06
And about this talk with stbx. Can I just skip that?
He wants to sit down and talk with me about heading toward D. If I am to go to just listen, agree to nothing and take away information to think about...
then it's not a NEW conversation. I know where he stands. He, however, does not know where I stand. Do I tell him? I have NO IDEA how to handle myself. If I'm going to just listen the conversation will be 5 minutes long.
STBX: So, hey, still want a divorce. It's best. Me: I hear what you're saying. STBX: So, shall I file? Me: I need sometime to think all this over.
What? What's the point of meeting at all? I think my brain is clouded with severe amounts of adrenaline. Help me work this out here.
Ss - fight your fear on this one. You might actually find it reassuring- but it would be very helpful to get an idea of where he is at. He might give you some tidbits about custody or what he's thinking about the house etc. AS long as you just listen - you can't do any harm and you might get something helpful out of it.
