train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[Train]

Oh, sweetie. I feel your pain on that one. But you have to *decide* to move past what H said to you, and about you, while he was cheating.

You know it wasn't true. Holding onto it only hurts YOU.

And, fwiw, H and I had a discussion about this just last weekend. He said essentially this (all, btw, which we here already know, but it's good to hear it from the mouth of a XWAS, especially one who doesn't read the literature enough to know what it all says about how a WAS operates; in other words, these are H's own thoughts, uninfluenced by any literature on this subject):

Waywards in As are typically not "in love" with their A partners. At least not at first. They're in love with how the A partner makes them feel about THEMSELVES. Eventually, once the AP has stroked their ego for so long, the LBS looks worse and worse. Anger and resentment build and grow. Still, the WAS knows what s/he is doing is wrong. So they say mean, unfair - and outright UNTRUTHFUL - things to and about their LBS in an effort to ... here's the money shot ... make THEMSELVES look better for doing what they're doing.

What your H said had nothing to do with you, sweetie. So decide that you will move past it for YOU.

I'm no saint over here. I struggle with harboring anger toward my H for the things he said to and about me, too. But it's actually not the content of what he said that bothers me. It's that HE said it.

Big hugs.