Think about trying this, and see if will help in taking a better turn. Yes, another talk however, keep this one short and to the point about compromising on the topics. Wait until both of you are calm and she's not having one of her "You are abandoning me" moments, and approach her with something along this line......
"Honey I am concerned that neither of us are emotionally strong enough right now to have serious R talks as often as we have done lately. In doing so, I worry it is keeping us from getting to a better place, b/c we get stuck when we try to do this on our own. I want you to turn to me when you are having a rough time, but I admit I get upset hearing you talk about your feelings for another guy. So, can we work out a compromise, where you get your need to talk and spend quality time together, and I can have time to work on my emotions.....and we both can feel connected to each other?"
The compromise: She talks to you about whatever she wants, so long as it has nothing to do with OM. And you will listen without angry outbursts. Any discussions that has reference to the A/OM will wait until the next session with the C. The difference will be that the C will be there to guide/control the session.
Maybe you have already tried this approach, IDK. I am not the best in finding the right words, but I know it is important that you say nothing to indicate you are blaming her or that you don't want to have any talks at all. You want to sound as if both of you want the same things, but she won't hear you if she starts getting mad before you can finish your dialog. Maybe Starsky has something better to offer along those lines, or maybe he has a difference of opinion here.
There needs to an attempt to have more fun & laughter within the home. That's not easy when one of you are deeply depressed, and it will probably be up to you to make the effort. Watch funny movies together instead of sad things. Have friends over. Do something other than this nightly routines of staying cooped up in the bedroom discussing the stitch. You need to plan something special. I don't mean romantic.....but something you believe she would really enjoy doing. You can make it a big thing or small & simple, but you need to make all the arrangements and then treat her like she's your special guest. Do something different, instead of going out to dinner. (Which was okay yesterday, since you didn't much time to plan anything else.)
You all need a good distraction from all this daily drama. I am concerned you are going to throw everything up in the air and walk out, if there isn't a change in the atmosphere soon.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
however, keep this one short and to the point about compromising on the topics. Wait until both of you are calm and she's not having one of her "You are abandoning me" moments, and approach her with something along this line......
