Thanks Everyone! LT-I do think the numbers are the same. I need to ask W for one in case she needs medical attention when I'm with her. I will be able to see if D19 is on from the card.
Heather-No worries! You have a good point and sometimes you have to do what needs to be done no matter what they think at the time.
Job-Yes, W is acting exactly like her father acted towards her not only when she was young but still today. He does the same with his grandkids. Unless you do what he wants, the way he wants, he will just push you out of his life. It is all about control. He is the ultimate narcissist. The thing is, W USED to see this about him but now is blind to it. He controls things when he is around even telling her where to put her bed in her own bedroom. D19 told me when she was visiting her mom when she first moved and her dad was there, she had just bought a new bed and set it up in her room. When she was done her father told her the bed was "in the wrong place". She said her mom told him that was where she wanted it and liked it. D19 went in the other room for a bit and when she came back her mother was moving her bed to where her father told her to put it. The only reason he had to do this was to control W and she lets him. She told me she wasn't going to a lawyer and when she did said her father "talked her into it". She told me she wasn't going to file and when she did said her father "talked her into it" again. Kinda defeats the purpose of her leaving which she said was so she could "be in complete control of every part of my life". Looks to me like she's letting him control a big part of it. She knows that as soon as she stops letting him control her, he will just stop being a part of her life. This is what he did with his only son and name sake when he wouldn't do what his father wanted.
AJ- You always have great insights, thanks.
Mighty- Thanks for stopping by! D15 and I have always had a great R. I know she is struggling with dealing with so much crap in her life. She is so worried that she will do what her mother is doing when she gets older. She can't understand how her mom just changed so much and how she doesn't care about her or her sister. She just started HS and is trying to fit in in public school and at the same time still keep her old friends from private school who live so far from her when she is with her mom. This is a lot for a 15 year old. Just yesterday she called in tears. She forgot her key and was locked out of her mom's house. The night before she called to tell me she had forgotten her favorite shoes at my house. She also had a coupon to a store she really likes that was expiring. I told her I would bring her her shoes and since I was coming down there I'd take her to the store. We had fun and when I dropped her off she used the key to get in the house. This is why she forgot it. She usually just leaves it in her backpack. She called her mom and she told her she wouldn't be leaving work for at least an hour and D15 would just have to make the best of it. She called me to see if I could help her but I live 45 min's away. By the time I got there her mom would be on her way and I don't have a key anyway.
The thing is this has happened before and W told me that she was going to get a spare key and hide it just in case D15 got locked out. It really isn't safe for her to be stuck outside like that! When I asked D15 about that she said her mom never remembers to get a spare key. She added that of course she didn't, it isn't for or about her so why bother. She was crying saying she had such a hard day, just wanted to go home. It was heart breaking. I told her that when she comes back to stay with me next week, I'll get a key made and she can hide it so this never happens again. This is exactly the kind of thing I hate about my sitch. D15 is too far away, has a parent who isn't interested in being a parent and can't be counted on. D19 can't count on help. D15 can't count on having at least one parent around who cares. This is what happens in D. This is a big part of why you don't say things like "I don't want my marriage to work" which is just about the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
It seems to me like MLCers are like Mr. MaGoo in the cartoons. They go through life causing destruction to everyone around them but just are too blind to notice. But if you tell them "You really need glasses" they just say no, they are just fine, it's everyone else that has the problem. I think my W is reaching the point where the newness is wearing off having her "own" place. It's been 7 months now and it's not as much fun and the excitement is dying down. She sure doesn't seem happy when I see or talk to her. But of course, she won't slow down. I need to learn the best ways to deal with the havoc she causes. I am learning and figuring things out as the come up. I guess over time I will find the best ways to help my girls. I actually envy my W. She just doesn't care so is going blissfully through life only caring about herself. What a life. And she complains how "hard" things are!
I went into the new office today. I don't start until Feb 2nd, but I wanted to get a head start on getting the training done. It's going to be a big change from what I have been doing and I'm not going to be in management for the first time in 15 years! Time for me reinvent myself once again and work my way to being successful in yet another business. I've done it before and by God, I'll do it again. I have my girls who need me and I want my life to work for me and them. To me the way W is living is so sad and lonely. Some day she is going to wonder why her kids aren't interested in her. She is almost 50 and only cares about her dying father and her work. He will be gone soon and she won't work forever. I know that my girls will always be a part of my life and look forward to being a part of their and their families lives forever!
