Wow, interesting night tonight. Girls were out at bball game so H and I were alone. I just seriously don't know if he will ever be willing to make this marriage work. It makes me extremely sad, I see so much potential for us, in spite of all that has/is happening.
He was in the garage and I heard him start the Harley, I love the Harley....I went out there. We started talking about different stuff, his back mostly which lead to a conversation about him missing being in the middle east and the excitement and adventure that came with it. I got upset and started crying, he of course hates it when I cry and asked what I was crying about. I took a break and went inside for a few minutes and then went back outside and told him I was crying because it makes me sad that he would rather be over there than with his kids and family (prob shouldn't have said that) and that it makes me sad that he has shared more about his feelings and experiences being there in the last month than he did the entire 6 years he was there.
He said that being over there he realized that he can live very meagerly, doesn't need all "this stuff." I commented that the reason he went over there is so we could have all this stuff and now he realizes he doesn't need it. There was more to the conversation than that but no R talk.
I guess sleeping in that "crappy little room" probably doesn't bother him.
We watched a movie together and when it was over he went to bed without saying good night (very common).
I feel like we are connecting on many levels but wonder if maybe I should just back off. I'm still completely lost...
I never realized how many different levels of loneliness a person could feel.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
