barely holding on - 7

[u-turn]

I can understand not covering for her, but I don't think it is a good idea to tell everyone. Mostly, because if/when you and your W work things out, now you have placed additional obstacles in front of you. Additionally, it comes off as being vindictive.

I agree with that, I am not an air our dirty laundry type person. I am very private about my personal matters. With telling everyone, she may end the A, but surly not trust me ever again. I do feel bad for OMW and her kids, though I guess I can say it is not my problem either - that is what I have done so far (it weighs heavily on me sometimes).

I think that this would be trying to shame her out of the A and would not be the way back to her.

She was still trying to be friends with me, telling me work stories, had dinner with the kids and I. After dinner she told me while I was sitting and reading, "you can come and watch TV with me". I told her that I was fine.

Later I went to talk to her and told her that I did not feel right spending that kind of time with her right now. I want nothing more than to spend normal family time with her, but I cannot right now and she understood. She said she didn't want me to be sad any more (she cried).

She did tell me that she is excited for her upcoming new job and responsibilities. I told her I was happy for her.

She told me that she knows that I don't like her having this job commitment and was worried that I will resent her for it. I told her that I understand how she could feel that way because of the way I reacted when she first got this job (18 mo ago) and I didn't react the way I should have, but I am a very different person than I was. I am happy for her career opportunities. She cried again.

I think she understands that I am different now. I know I can keep this up my end of my changes, because I basically have been a single dad for the last year anyway, I enjoy these changes, and IF we ever do R, it would only be an added plus (icing on the cake).

She said I would be better off (without her). She went to sleep.

I didn't mention anything of the OM or A (though to me it's the only issue and she's trying to find other issues to talk about). The new job MAY be away from him, but that doesn't really change anything for me at this point. Maybe it will help her get over him, maybe not.

I am still heading in the S direction and she is not telling me that she will do anything to fix this.