So today came a major change in my life in the near future. I received Orders to move to Oklahoma and work. I pondered not letting her know that i got them but my report date is august 10. I sent her the orders so that she is aware that on this date i will be leaving. i have not said with or without her. i just said. I received my orders here are a copy i just wanted you to know. Did i do the wrong thing? or should i ask her to talk so we can discuss them. any input would be greatly appreciated. ASAP this is a tough one
My second question is do i leave this place without filing for D if it comes to that. i have heard how hard it is to actually complete once you are in different states. im at a total loss on this one. as of yet she has not even mention divorce, she actually said she doesnt want to leave me she just needs to figure out what is going on inside herself. I.E. be with OM. this has really stressed me out right now, but i also see this as a guiding light. if things are not headed in the right direction maybe a change like this is needed i do not know. Not only am i broken at this moment but i am lost as well. thank you
that is what i was thinking. I come back in two weeks and i think i will talk to one. this is truly a sad day for me that i knew would one day come. and i honestly dont see my W coming with me. She loves Hawaii too much and has allot going out here including OM. a sad day indeed
Hello everyone, so today was the scheduled time for my W to come by and see the dogs and pack for her school trip. I was outside putting things in the bike to leave. I see her pull around the corner and she stops because she sees me. I see her, and she backs up and leaves. We have not been separated but a week. It did not end on bad terms and this A was not about me neglecting her or her neglecting me for an extended period of time.
I was gone 10 months she found friend OM and that turn into I might love friend OM. So why is she treating me like I did something totally wrong. I sent her a text that said "wow I did not know you were that angry with me." instantly realized that was a mistake and followed it up with "next time do not show up early please." not sure I recovered but it was something.
I am hurt and angered by her reaction to not even look at or see me. What is that all about. I left in such a hurry I left my ID. Had to go back and get it. While I waited for her to answer the door. I saw her get up off the couch and wipe her eyes. I did not even go inside my own house. I said I left my Id she asked where I told her she got it. I said thanks and left. Did I just take a giant step back?
update.... lastnight after I left around 5pm I ended up doing acrobatics at the park with a friend. Had a good time, and didn't let much bother me about W or OM I headed home around 830 I had said to the W I would be out most of the night, so she couLd pack for her trip. when I went to turn on to my street she was still there So I kept driving. She stayed until 9 and then left. It's just Strange she never misses Wednesday late night acro with her OM and I mean never. I silently chuckled thinking she was trying to wait around to see when I came home to get one last knife in me and reel me back in a bit.
But I was not going to let that happen. I sat up on a hill enjoying the stars until I saw her leave. I know I did the right thing. And it felt good to be a little aloof.
Hello everyone, so today was the scheduled time for my W to come by and see the dogs and pack for her school trip. I was outside putting things in the bike to leave. I see her pull around the corner and she stops because she sees me. I see her, and she backs up and leaves. We have not been separated but a week. It did not end on bad terms and this A was not about me neglecting her or her neglecting me for an extended period of time.
I was gone 10 months she found friend OM and that turn into I might love friend OM. So why is she treating me like I did something totally wrong. I sent her a text that said "wow I did not know you were that angry with me." instantly realized that was a mistake and followed it up with "next time do not show up early please." not sure I recovered but it was something.
I am hurt and angered by her reaction to not even look at or see me. What is that all about. I left in such a hurry I left my ID. Had to go back and get it. While I waited for her to answer the door. I saw her get up off the couch and wipe her eyes. I did not even go inside my own house. I said I left my Id she asked where I told her she got it. I said thanks and left. Did I just take a giant step back?
Hey bro. A lot of times when they cheat on you they will hate you so they don't hate themselves. It's normally not intentional, but the human mind does it as a way to protect itself. She will validate her choices and in by doing so invalidate you.
That's why you can't really talk to them and shouldn't try to appease them.
You can let them go on and discover they made a bad decision or not.
I tell you, we had one guy on this board who was being cheated over a period of time and he got tired of being alone, so he got a girlfriend.
The WAS was livid, at how could he do something so despicable. It was a huge double standard. But it got her to see how "dirty" the thing she was doing was, and it wasn't as exciting or interesting once her LBS was doing the same thing.
They are now talking, relationship not fully mended, but it got her mind to open up...
Hey bro. A lot of times when they cheat on you they will hate you so they don't hate themselves. It's normally not intentional, but the human mind does it as a way to protect itself. She will validate her choices and in by doing so invalidate you.
That's why you can't really talk to them and shouldn't try to appease them.
You can let them go on and discover they made a bad decision or not.
I just wrote about this on twinmom's thread; I'll pull it over from there for you:
Quote:
And, fwiw, H and I had a discussion about this just last weekend. He said essentially this (all, btw, which we here already know, but it's good to hear it from the mouth of a XWAS, especially one who doesn't read the literature enough to know what it all says about how a WAS operates; in other words, these are H's own thoughts, uninfluenced by any literature on this subject):
Waywards in As are typically not "in love" with their A partners. At least not at first. They're in love with how the A partner makes them feel about THEMSELVES. Eventually, once the AP has stroked their ego for so long, the LBS looks worse and worse. Anger and resentment build and grow. Still, the WAS knows what s/he is doing is wrong. So they say mean, unfair - and outright UNTRUTHFUL - things to and about their LBS in an effort to ... here's the money shot ... make THEMSELVES look better for doing what they're doing.
An observation I hope you'll take to heart, dwnnoto: Read back through your two most recent posts. In one, you detailed seeing W. And it sent you spiraling. In the second, you saw she was still at home, and you decided to go off and wait until she left. And you felt good and even, I would imagine, a little powerful. You were in control of YOU. That feels good.
Do you see how easy that is?
Remember that feeling of being in control of yourself. And what it took to feel that way. Rinse and repeat.
Oh, and I would encourage you not to shy away from entering your own home while W is there. It's your home. You aren't the one who left.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
