"She would love to have family events. She would love to talk with me. Would probably love to hang out. The only thing stopping all those things is me not being or feeling at all friendly."

Hi HP, I don't think the above is just about you not being or feeling friendly. For me this is a boundary issue. Soonish after BD, H suggested we still meet up as a family and do things with SS. I said no, I don't feel able to spend 'family time' with you whilst you're having an A with someone else. Luckily for me, H's XW and I get along well, and she has been keen for me to stay in touch with SS.

I think your message is fine - but I find the 'thank you' at the end a little curt. Might you want to soften it to 'thanks'...

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus