My heart goes out to you as I am facing some kind same situation. I will serve the separation papers to my H when he comes back from his trip on feb 15th.
I feel this kind of mixed feelings, most because I really don't want this whole s**t situation in my life. But, protecting myself seems like a better venue right now.
I contacted 3 Ls and they are all in the same page as my rights on the whole legal separation. In my state it does not have much a difference in LS and D, it's just a different decree at the end but the process is exactly the same.
Filing a Legal Separation for me means to make a point that I did not ask for the bloody D and I will not file for it.
The one thing that is helping me a lot is the support of good friends and my faith. I have decided to let myself open for those help because the pain in unbearable.
I do not have much hope, but then if you ready 25, she had neither and she ended up reconciling. Life have many turns and we never know what tomorrow holds for us. It may be that H comes back or maybe we find someone we will love even more and have a better life together then the previous one.
One thing I have seriously been working on is to leg go. It hurts a lot, but I am every day a tiny better. I need to let my H walk his own path and find his own purpose in his life. He is very confused now, I don't believe he is very sure of what he is doing. But he does not want to change all this. He is persisting in the direction he took a few months ago.
So, it's time for me to work on me and walk my path on my own right now. It seems all over the place sometimes, no direction, no meaning... but, there are other times that I find it very comforting to be with myself, to look forward and see the things I want to do, and think that I can do it, I have so much freedom to decide for myself now.
If after exhausting your choices you come to the conclusion that it is in your best interest to file for a legal separation, then do so. It's not the end. Your old marriage is dead anyway, you do not want to go back to what it was. But, down the road, there is always a possibility of getting together and finding a new R, a new love, one more solid and mature. Who knows? everything is possible.
I hope you have a good minute sometimes, a good hour some day, a good day during next week, if you keep choosing to respect yourself and be happy for yourself, every minute, hour and day will count.
