Thanks, guys. I will come back later and address your specific points. But first, I need to share a quick update.
I feel like we have hit rock bottom. After MC on Monday, he said he would call me last night at 6pm so that we could talk some more. I was feeling down on Monday night and sent him a text asking if we could talk for a few minutes. He begged off but was really sweet about it -- he told me that he was sorry he couldn't meet my needs but he loved me and he knows I'm trying. This was all via text message but I felt good about where we were headed. So good, in fact, that I almost asked him NOT to call me last night, but I didn't. I still wanted to see what he had to say about the The Things.
So last night we're maybe 15 minutes into the conversation and H says, "You're just saying the same things over and over again. Everything is conflict. I can't do this anymore. How do I tell you I want to be done? This isn't the heat of the moment, this is me telling you I don't want to do this anymore. I need you to hear me because later I don't want you to say that you didn't know."
(Holy cow -- as I type that out I realize that I may have misinterpreted what he meant AGAIN. I took "done" to mean "done with the R" but now I think he meant "done with the conflict" in way that might lead to him being done with the R. That actually makes so much more sense given how the rest of the conversation went.)
I asked him something like, "Why did you send me those texts last night? You seemed to be much more positive and now 15 minutes into a conversation you're telling me you're done?" He said, "Because I was hopeful. I thought this conversation might be different."
Is it possible that we're having more conflict because we both have hope and expectations again?
I don't how we got past the "I'm done" part of the conversation, but we talked for another 30 minutes or so. He told me that he needs things to improve soon. I said that I do too. He said that he wants to spend more time with me without fighting. I asked if we could be affectionate and have sex, and he said we could make those things a priority. Then he had to go (legitimately, he was picking up D7) and I said I would text him about when we could get together. I got off the phone and sobbed.
We texted a little bit later in the evening. I said that I was really raw. He said, "Let's get together on Thursday and have fun. If you still feel unsettled about tonight, we can talk about it at another time. But I think we need to eliminate non-positive interactions right now." I asked him if he could tell me that he isn't giving up and he is going to fight for us, and he wrote back that he wasn't giving up and he will fight. We both said thank you for trying, ILY, and good night.
Today is the worst day I have had in a long time. I truly feel like BD all over again. Someone come whack me with a 2x4 and tell me not to be so negative.
