Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[HPoirot]

She doesn't seem to have any problem in backing out of agreements she has made with you or her son. She just expects you to pick up the slack she has caused.

So she is spending more and now says you will need to pay her part of the tuition? Nice. More than once she has said that her expenses will be more than yours. How does she know this? (You don't have to answer.....I'm just making a point.) It shouldn't matter, if she made an agreement. Maybe everything needs to be based on the sliding scale.

I don't think you are going to be able to simply take her verbal agreement on these financial issues. She doesn't seem to stick to much of anything she's agreed upon.....whether it is scheduling, finances, or what she tells her son. You may have to get the court to decide about the scheduling and the finances. (Somehow, I think she would still try to manipulate her way around things.)

So sad it is this way. If she was not this way before she became a WAW, then hopefully, she will stop this wishy-washy style some day.

Do what you believe is the right/fair thing to do. In doing so, you won't be out to punish her, and you won't be putting yourself and S12 at risk financially.

Hello Sandi and Jan.

I'm sure my XW has been bad on her schedule and financing only b/c she doesn't know what she's doing. She was expecting my support for 6 months while she enjoyed her new secret life. Now she's experiencing the consequences of her choices.

That, and she wants to "live" as she says. So she spends money on trips to NYC and the mountains and $300 for S12's sneakers and weeks of rental cars. She asked me for another $200 just last week before taking it back.

I'll won't start anything legal. I'll just pay my part of things. She'll have to figure out how she'll pay the rest. If she can't, she'll have to decide to get a lawyer/mediator on her own and pay for it on her own. I'll just be as agreeable and respectful as I can.

It's still mysterious to me that she can even bring herself to ask me for breaks and help. I'm almost used to it now.

I really would like to do what's possible and sensible to reduce her resentment about me. I'm concerned that all this she'll see as me controlling her or undervaluing her... a couple of her problems with our M.