wife during deployment EA/PA another service membe

[Train]

Be sure to do it upon ROCK-SOLID evidence, or a rock-solid 100% sure she's lying to you at that moment, moment.
Yep. broken, don't think you need to break your neck to throw that boundary out there RIGHT NOW. I mean, yes, I agree, it's imperative that you state to your W that you will not live in an open M. If I were you, I would commit to memory exactly the "sample statement" that Starsky gave you. Practice it if you have to. You don't want your voice to shake when you say it.

This isn't as hard as it may seem. You decide what your non-negotiable, core beliefs and values are. Sounds to me like living in an open M goes against your non-negotiable values. So, essentially, you place boundaries around YOU and your heart to protect YOURSELF from living in an open M and from compromising your non-negotiable, core beliefs and values. Does that make sense?

Be strong and firm and resolved when it comes to that. You're not being *mean*. You're being *resolved*. That side needs to come out any time W, as Starsky said, is outright lying to you. But you don't have to bring it up, out of the blue, TODAY. There's a certain urgency about putting your boundary out there. But don't bring up a R talk just to tell her that you won't live in an open M. I am a firm believer that your moment will come to NATURALLY put that out there, and you will know when it does.

Then, go right back to being neighborly and upbeat. You're not trying to control your W. You're trying to protect yourself and also be the best version of yourself. In time, that could re-attract your W. If it doesn't - and I know you don't want to think about this right now - you'll eventually re-attract someone who will treat you better. And, whichever is to be, you'll have a whole new "emotional toolbox" and skill-set to work with to make your relationships much better.

And THAT is how it works.