Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[gogofo]

Thanks for the input Sandi.

I am having a hard time not being in love with her. Now that we are not tip toeing around each other we both feel alive again. I can see the spark in her eyes and personality. We are sharing more and understanding more about each other and us during the R.

I am disappointed that we couldn't be like this all the time. I feel we could/can fix this. I need to stop focusing so much on the M and just enjoy the little time I have left to spend together.

Hopefully, as my DB Coach said, leaving her feeling good about our interactions may change how she feels. If not I need to accept the fact that me loving her is not enough to repair the M right now.

Still torn on whether or not to distance more. I feel good being around her, but know it doesn't mean she wants me again or wants to try again.

I need to get it through my thick skull that she is done trying. It doesn't matter if I am not, she is and wants the D. I have no option left as far as remaining married.

The other night she said that "maybe we can build a relationship that we won't screw up." When I asked for clarification she said that she hoped we could get along and co-parent well.

Trying to let go of expectations/hope. Need to work harder on it.

I don't know if I am in denial of the situation or if there still is a connection between us. I find it hard to understand that we can still get along so well and enjoy being around each other so much, but she is done trying.