Yes, I am very much guilty of being competitive and non-supportive in the past (as I stated in my intro piece). How do i project that now is different? I truly do not look at my life like that anymore. And I have tried to just demonstrate that through acts, but it seems that just acting out the changes have not been enough, since she still bring ups the doubts and questions.Or course talking about it only creates resistance. So what to do???
She must be a very sensitive lady, and selfless, if she is willing to sacrifice her happiness rather than hurt someone else. Being sensitive must have brought her a lot of pain over time. On the other hand, if there have been true changes made in you, she should be able to see those results without you being so concerned as to how to project it.
Many times a newcomer will be told to fake his changes until it really happens. Perhaps she senses you faking it, or as you said "acting out" the changes. This is not uncommon for the WAS to doubt the authenticity of the LBS's changes/improvements. You have to admit that it could well appear it is a gimmick to win back the WAS.
Each time she may see you backslide in an area you are working on, it reinforces her believe you won't stick with the self improvements.
Can you tell us specifically which changes are the main concern? Can you tell us more about the changes you made?
It is great that IC has been so helpful. Are you still going?
Quote:
Bringing up the elephant in the room - the biggest issue is the simple lack of emotional safety in the relationship. She is particularly difficult to read on this point because she tends to be so conflict averse.
Could you explain this more? Are you saying you have stopped bringing up the elephant in the room?
She is the one who feels emotionally unsafe?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
