I believe she knows I know I have not come out and said it to her. Do you think I should at least a dress that elephant in the room! Or let it play out. She told me she was at a friends while getting herself right. I.E. OM. Thank you for everything.
Today has left me feeling vulnerable and sad. Gonna try and pick myself up.
YES, I think it is imperative that you confront her with a "I know all about you and ______, and I will not live in an open marriage" boundary if you have not already done so. Be sure to do it upon ROCK-SOLID evidence, or a rock-solid 100% sure she's lying to you at that moment, moment.
You can say something like "Look, I don't want a divorce, but make no mistake -- I will NOT live in an open marriage, and I will NOT wait forever. Looks like we both have some decisions to make."
