Part 10 - Contents may prove volatile

[edz]

Not that I know of but I havent seen a door with beware of the leopard and a locked filing cabinet or been to alpha centauri.

Ok mate, if you get it I think you can see and at that point well...

You are completely right, Im not daft enough to say I dont mind on the decision, I do, I care very strongly and I love her but I cant flip switches in her mind and I accept that.

If we're done I'll walk away and I'll be the best dad I could ever be, I'll respect her boundries and we'll work on anything we need to for S to be the best he can be.

Right now, today, I know I cant be her friend, thats a boundry, theres no ultimatum theres no repercussion I simply cant be a friend and confident and all that true, deep, friendship entails and has been. I would be unable to separate the feelings that would keep resurfacing at that point and it would obliterate any chance at my being happy with someone else as well as being utterly unfair to her.

Coparenting is about love, caring and support for our son who we had through love for each other and for him. That I can do. In brutal terms if her relationship with someone breaks up Im not the man to tell (none yet that I know of thats not the "thing") if her stereo packs in I dont want to be called, if she's off having fun with friends and sees a funny picture I dont need to see it I dont want funny messages on facebook or to know her thoughts on growing child actors. If sons bed falls apart and she cant sort it out because of funds, I want to know, if he wants to go on a trip and she cant pay for it I want to know, if he wins an award... and so on.

I honestly think its that (and I expressed this clearly as a boundry back in September with warmth and sensitivity) thats keeping her tuning in and out.

I suppose my emotional side is loathe to give up on the slim (and getting slimmer) hopes of a future together its shouting out at me to find someone preferably w and thats screwing with what may end up being an unavoidably hurtful to all decision if w cannot bring herself to do it hoping I'll be the "bad guy".

For now, I'm keeping the course steady but I need her to be honest with me, I know - right now - she's not doing that fully. I cant and wont tackle her on it yet though for the same reasons I wont post the issue here. Its not my business yet - she left, she's gone, she's not promised me anything and I'm not expecting anything but her to say when she's done and wants to file, I have the same options. Just difficult closing the chapter on a third of my life really even if the story continues..