Well I think it is a very good sign that your wife continues to tell you she loves you. The passion, love and affection that initially brought you two together and brought you two to be married is still in there then, I believe. Her lying is probably some way that she thinks she is either protecting you or protecting herself from the guilt and shame. Probably both. I am glad my W was honest, you could see that it tore her up when I asked about it. I think your W will get to a point where she can admit and be honest to herself and you. I think her saying that she still loves you is huge. Keep working at it in a positive direction. I'm sure you have the DR and DB, seems like there is some really good advice in there about your situation, especially since she seems to be either consistently or continually speaking or interacting with you. Are you guys still living together?
theoden,
I have the Divorce Remedy. I've read through it. I was trying the last resort technique previously with no results, but might attempt it again now that my W and I have reached seemingly a new stage. All of the other advice within the book seems to be only direction if your spouse is at least will to consider reconciliation, or at the very least spends some amount of time speaking or interacting with you. We pretty much have had little to no communication or interaction, not by my choice. As well, she told me to my face, and I believed her, that she didn't start seeing the OM until she moved out. She works with the guy so obviously she has been socializing with him for some time. Regardless, whatever has happened or is happening does not change how I feel or what I want. It is her. It is unconditional love for her. I will not get angry with her, I can't, and I certainly won't show anger towards her, that will not help me in the slightest. I do realize I need to stop begging, pleading and crying. I was doing a good job of this until we had our interaction the other night. I was trying to reason more than anything else.
But something interesting happened yesterday. She started texting me over bill stuff, but then she quickly started texting me how she was sorry about the previous night, when she came over, and that she feels so messed up and that she is going to start seeing a counselor ASAP and that she was sorry again and that she hoped I had a really nice day.
This kind of blew me away. I think her admitting and talking to me about the OM and that she is seeing that I am still consistent with the genuine and positive changes on myself and my deep, unconditional love and willingness to make permanent and positive changes may be shaking her up and she is now seeing the gravity of what is happening and what could be lost. At least I hope that is the case. I hope that if she does start seeing a counselor that this will help us and maybe we'll be able to start working together on reconciling.
I'm not giving my hopes up, but I think yesterday could have been a big moment. I told her not to be sorry, that I am not mad or angry and that my only feelings for her are love and affection. I told her that she is not messed up, the situation is and that she is a beautiful and amazing person. And that if she would ever like me to go to the counselor with her I would be more than happy to. As well, that if she just needs more space right now that I will respect that. I told her that I love her and I hope she has a nice day as well.
Now that old curiosity has come over me again, haha. Should I just leave her to these new thoughts and realizations on her own? Should I just give her space now and apply the last resort technique? Or should I approach her with my love and want for us to work through it now, that is possibly seems that she may be realizing the weight of what is happening?
I don't want to manipulate her or anything, but I feel since that she is possibly in this vulnerable, rethinking state, maybe this is the time I should act and try to win her back.
I just want my W back everyone. I feel so tired, physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels a lot. Maybe I should just continue with GAL like I have been and apply the last resort technique and see what happens. She very, very clearly knows what I want and that I will be here if she is to change her mind on things. She knows that I am making all of these changes that I have been lacking for sometime and that I am willing to do whatever it takes for us to work through this. I guess if she knows my stance that's all I can do. Maybe pursuing and trying to reach out to her would not be right, seems like its goes against what is directed by the DR and DB books. Idk, every person and every situation is different and unique though.
