Got it. The niceness is about 30% of my gauge, considering it was hard for 2 months there for her to even be in the same zip code with me and not be hateful. The other 70% is based on intel showing movement in the marital direction and movement back towards God & Recovery which was completely abandoned back in late Oct.
This movement all started very soon after me calling her out on the carpet in early Dec about what I knew, who I knew, and when I knew. She scrambled pretty quickly. I think in the light of day it wasn't all a pretty little picture like it often looks in the dark of night.
Sorry for the short responses earlier, Jefe, but I was on my iPhone. The main point I was trying to get across to you (and anyone following along), is to have a measuring stick for "what's working" that is not JUST "she/he is being nice to me" (although that is important -- I like your 30%), but rather is "she/he is making demonstrable moves back towards the marriage, and away from OM/OW" . . . and then to have a good intel system in place to verify it.
Too many on here simply go by "well that must have been the wrong move, because it made her mad," when in fact sometimes what makes them mad is simply laying a long-overdue boundary. Or, conversely, they think "well what I'm doing must be working, because he's being nice to me," when in fact he's stringing his poor wife along as his Plan B.
You sound like you are keeping a very level head about where you are going, and it's serving you well.
