Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[HPoirot]

Thank you Starsky, Squiggy, Vanilla, and Karma. The talk with my IC yesterday was helpful and I'm grateful for it. The boundary for her mixed messages was great yes. I noted a little fear around it... like the time I stood up to XW when she offered the couples weekend.

Her saying she missed me was something I wanted. I wanted to reward her for saying she thinks of me and misses me with more contact. I hoped that would bring her closer to me. All that was wrong. Again she just wants me to cooperate.

She sent me a text yesterday. Now that she's close to getting her own place, she says she can't pay her part of S12's tuition like she agreed b/c her expenses are more than mine. She asks me about child support... "If you don't feel able to do this with me then do you want to use a lawyer?"

As usual, I'm not going to mention a lawyer. I'm just going to remind her she already agreed to this. Something like... "Hello XW. Understand your making your $xxx tuition payment as you agreed is difficult for you at this time. I know you will figure out a way. Thank you XW."

Lawyer told me, if she tries to get child support from me, the text and email evidence of her A could prevent that in this state. I don't want to pay for her blowing up our family. She makes money. She'll have to adjust her expenses.

I'm much better this morning. Working to not feel disappointed about this refocusing on my XW and not being as detached as I thought. There's nothing I can do now to bring her closer. Regarding her... I can only show strength right now.

So, even though I thought this would be a week of minimal contact, I'm back to standing up to XW. I'll remember to be loving.

Last Monday I put my wedding ring back on. I symbol of my faith things will work out between us. I do miss my XW and I want a new R with her. I don't see how that happens. Just trying to focus on faith.

Onward.