I am so grateful you told me about the debt your xh racked up and that he invaded your retirement account. I have access to all accounts but like you said, he could have something I don't know about. Duly noted. I will definitely mention it to the atty when we meet (she didn't return my call, oy).
You're not scaring me; I need the facts. Comfort comes in knowing what I need to know to make the best choices I can for myself and my D.
When he calls tonight to talk to D, I'll tell him I need I do some thinking before we sit down to talk but that I'll let him know a good time for me and we can do that soon. How's that sound?
I don't think it will anger him, and like you said, who cares?
I've decided what I need to do, I just need to remember that I shouldn't and simply can't do it all and solve it all in 30 days. Taking time to think things through, to calm down before interactions, to be the person I've learned to be in the face of all of this.
I want to look back on all this and say "you did good, Ss, you did real good".
You're right, uR, I did need to see some things in order to regain control. I knew about emails to escorts back in July. I conveniently was clouded by my desire to change and hope to make things work that I didn't really perceive the magnitude of it all this time. The separation provided the space for me to not have to face it so I thought *maybe* he's making changes. I didn't see anything to the contrary so I chose to believe the best.
Then BLAMO!! FB suggests a new friend and just like that the facts hit me. Duh.
I don't know why but I'm kind of surprised that you think he has serious issues. I know it's not ok in any way. So much so I'm pretty sure it's DB-proof.
See, I don't trust my perspective often and it's always a shock to me when someone validates what I suspect to be true but I'm not sure because I don't trust my perspective.
I'm gathering myself up, guys. I'm working worst-scenarios in my head (this helps me prepare so I'm not caught off guard... Old habit from an abusive childhood) and I'm visualizing how I want to present myself through this.
I'm laughing at myself for being in denial for this long but it's what I needed at the time, and I'm so glad you folks are there to walk me out of that trap.
In yoga yesterday my teacher was talking about how she's in the business of transformation; of helping people notice the brick wall (resistance) and to build a door in it. She went on to say that doors inside us only open from the inside so we have a responsibility there.
I found that all very interesting and it really resonated with me. This was spoken quite literally as I was thinking about D, something I've been resisting for months, possibly years now. I'm determined to build a door and to have the courage to walk through it with my head held high.
