Hey SS, so sorry I wasnt around. Even more sorry for the poor choices your h continues to make and that you had to see that.
So, first let's get through the business end of this. My state is a no fault state. My h racked up $60,000 in credit card bills I knew nothing about. He had them sent to another address, paid them from an account I didnt know about either. I was, in the divorce, responsible for half. He also invaded my retirement funds without my knowledge. I lost all of that. I was told I should have known, as his wife, what he was doing. Now granted we werent separated at the time, but, still.
I dont want to scare you, ok, maybe I do a little. Knowledge is power, S. I dont want to see you wind up in trouble in that way. Gather whatever info you can.
The initial consult is free. Go in with a list of questions. Also, if you can find the snarkiest lawyer and see him, then, your h cant use him.
These are things I wish I knew.
Now, as far as your h, there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling him you need time. That is your right. Dont worry if it angers him...who cares?
And I have used the exact words Maybell said. When my xh would speak to me in a way that I felt was disrespectful or bullying in any way. I would stand up, put my hand in front of me and tell him I was not going to continue the convo if he spoke to me in that manner and I walked out. Took a couple of times, but, he eventually got it.
As far as what you are feeling, I am sorry you are hurting. What you saw was very hurtful. I think your h has serious issues, S. I think its time you put trying to save your marriage on the back burner and you take care of you.
You dont have to make a decision today or tomorrow about what you want to do. I will say that what he is doing is very disrespectful to you. I can see why you are questioning what you want.
So, first things first, make some phone calls. Do not talk with him if you cant do it with strength and clarity. He doesnt like it, too freakin bad for him.
Take back your power here, S. I truly believe things happen for a reason. I believe you needed to see some things in order to regain your control.
He doesnt deserve you as he is now, my friend. Not one bit.
Now is the time to look fear right in the face and push it back. Because F that, S. Right now, he cant shine your shoes.
If or when you do speak with him, and remember that is YOUR choice, you owe him nothing....be sure to show him confidence and calm. Do not allow him to mess with your head or talk in circles. You know the truth here.
Remember that this in on him. It has nothing to do with your worth or any lacking in you. It is a lacking in him.
He is broken, S. Thats clear. He needs to figure himself out. Whether he can or not remains to be seen. But...not your problem.
So, gather yourself up. You need to get yourself together and get angry some. This is not ok. In any way.
I know what you are made of, S. I have seen it even if you havent always. You can do this. I know it without a doubt.
