I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[Frank75]

Thanks so much 25, i needed that. You hit the nail on the head though, i've been living based on fear for years now. Fear that if i say something or do something wrong she'll leave and you are right, for just those reasons (my lack of action due to fear) she wants to leave.

And i'm scared shitless right now of losing her so it's just more of the same. Part of this fear though is how badly i handled the first separation years ago and how letting her walk away that time led to a lot of these current issues. I know i need to do things differently, i just don't know how or what to do. She wants me out of her life right now and just moving out feels totally wrong to me.

I didn't mean to make it seem like what i'm going through is any different, i apologize. I'll reply again tomorrow and address all of your points/questions when i'm not quite so emotional. Right now i need to take a breather and put my game face back on before she gets home from work.