I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[MCS]

Frankly I have made it clear that whilst I will not be discussing our S with friends and relatives that I will not lie for H.

Yeah, I agree with this. While I'm not forthcoming, if asked directly I don't lie about what happened. However, I do try and explain my shortfalls in the M alongside that. None of us are infallible and I understand how W could have got into this sitch.
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So, I think we may have turned the corner. To R or not, I have no clue; but my short-term goals were to establish communication about the kids.

So had counseling (see I didn't put mediation in parenthesis) today. The MC talked to me first and was trying to get me to just talk to her about how much fun I was having w/kids (been there) and I pretty much said I'm done trying to cater to her and protect her feelings. I told him that I'm not going to be mean or nasty; but I'm done trying to tip-toe around everything. I told him I could no longer ignore the pain that she's putting me and my kids through and 'cover' it up. I told him I was done, the next step was her's. If she's comfortable with this level of communication, than fine, I can't push her to do more.

So, when we got together, the MC gave us two options. Talk about kids or talk about our feelings. I assumed he felt that it was an easy choice. Well, W asked which one I wanted to discuss. I knew which one, but I just sat there silent, I was debating in my head how to get out of these cheese-less tunnels. After about 30 secs, she asked me what I talked about MC about and I said I wasn't comfortable talking with her about it because it wouldn't be productive.

So, she said to go ahead and discuss it if I could. I said pretty much what I said above. At that point she said to me.

"MCS, I've been lying to you for a long time. I can understand why you feel that you can't trust or believe what I say"

I was shocked and then started to tear up. I then said,

"I've been hurt, but I've been trying to believe you. However, I've been in protection mode for me and the kids and what you say appears different from what you are doing."

and then we had a conversation........

The first in a while. A couple times I got angry, paused, collected myself and continued. A couple times she started to shut down, paused and then continued.

It was so nice to talk with her, the person that seems to have been hiding inside. Her resolve of the sitch didn't seem to waver, but we were doing what I've so wanted to do, communicating.

So it was bittersweet, I saw the person that I have known and we talked like we used to. I wished I would have seen a little uncertainty on the overall sitch and the S, but I'm taking what I can get.

All things aside, this is the relationship we need as parents and that has been my goal. DB didn't seem to matter today, or maybe it was DBing. Time will tell.