No dice on doctor appointments yet. There's only a few "in town" (2+ hour round trip) and i guess there's a flu epidemic going on. The few people i called laughed when i asked about getting me in this week.
Also no on counselors, i'll have to go way further for one and i'm trying to time it to coincide with possible apartment visits
I'm obviously going back and forth moodwise/being optimistic. I really need to make flight plans to visit my parents before i move to an apartment just because it will be much easier. One of my biggest fears in life is flying so that's a major impediment. I need to just pull the trigger, but the costs associated with it are also holding me back ($600+ flight, car rental etc). Not to mention i need to be able to go there and JUST visit, i don't want to bring any of this stuff up so i need to be mentally strong. I know i should talk about it with them, i just can't do it right now Partly because it's hard and partly because i guess i'm still in denial, still don't want to bring it up in case a miracle occurs between me and my wife. Once i bring it up, it's "out there" in the wild and i can never bring it back. My parents love her and i don't want to taint their opinion of her or anything like that unless i need to. Because even if i say "it's not her fault" they won't care.
In other news, she came back last night from her night in a hotel. She was nice, we hugged, joked a little, then i gave her the bed and i took the couch. She works second shift today and basically stayed in bed all morning and said about 10 words to me before leaving. Which, sad to say, was par for the course of the last month or two. At least she didn't bring up moving again, nothing worse than feeling pressured to move. I know she wants me out, i'm sorry i need more than a wee or two to wrap my head around it.
I know things like this are detrimental and i know i need to get out if nothing changes (or gets worse), it's just a terribly hard thing to wrap my head around at times. I wish these surges of enthusiasm/optimism/whatever would come more often. I'm just having a bad day i guess.
M:39 W:35 Married: 12 years Together: 16 years No kids D bomb: 1/17/15 Filed 1/29/15 Moving out 2/2015
Partly because it's hard and partly because i guess i'm still in denial, still don't want to bring it up in case a miracle occurs between me and my wife. Once i bring it up, it's "out there" in the wild and i can never bring it back. My parents love her and i don't want to taint their opinion of her or anything like that unless i need to. Because even if i say "it's not her fault" they won't care.