Today S12 has a snow day from school. First thing this morning, she texts to ask if she can pick up S12 midday for a few hours. S12 tells me she wants to take him to lunch. I wanted to go sledding with him. I don't have to though. Even so, I reply... "No thank you XW."
She replies... "Why not HP?" I don't reply.
She later texts that she didn't mind when he stayed with me to go sledding on her Saturday with him. Asks me to please say yes.
She later texts that she wants to take him to her friend's house so he can see her daughter's and please say yes.
OMG!
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No LITB... I did not let her know I had plans. I just said no thank you and gave her no other explanation. I did not respond to her texts explaining why she wanted to pick him up today. I understand how that could be seen as rude.
See, this is what I am talking about being balanced. Last night you went too far with the back & forth texting. Today, you are on the verge of being rude.
I would want to pull my hair out, if I had to deal with her.....so I give you credit for keeping it together. And I may misunderstand what your DB Coach told you about showing more warmth, but IMHO, you can give the woman a warm answer, without getting into a back & forth text conversation that gets you out of balance again. You are seeing detaching as not responding at all, and I don't think that is the way when you have a child together. I believe it is possible to give a suitable answer that shows warmth without it making you look weak. Warm, yet firm in your decision that son is spending the day with you. Make sense?
"Sorry W, but S12 and I have already made plans for the day. Perhaps another time." And if she continues to blow up the phone with texts, then you can make the decision to ignore it or give her a call with further explanations. However, I personally believe in your particular stitch with this particular woman.....the more you try to give, the more she'll try to take with her style of manipulation. She seem to have calmed down just a little bit, and then she messed with your head, so it's started back. She may be a nuisance but she knows how to work you.
((HP)) You are going to get this, and you are going to be fine. Please do not see me giving you a 2x4, but see it as tweaking, and then you'll be almost darn perfect.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
OMG!
