SRD, thanks so much for sharing. I know it is devastating to find out about the PA. If there is a silver lining (and admittedly a very very small one), it would seem at least you get a sense of cause-effect. Really sorry to hear about that.
For me, I feel that I am stuck because she is stuck. I totally get the DR principles of detach and GAL....the problem is that from what I understand, my 'correct' response is somewhat dependent on the cause of my wife's unhappiness. If she is NOT having an PA or an EA, then I should stay engaged and try to show her love. On the other hand if she has already gone, as a result of a PA or EA, the 'correct' approach is to 180. Quite different approaches.
As I mentioned above, I have asked my wife on two or three different occasions if there was somebody else. She has always said 'no' - and she is a very bad liar. I know the boards are filled tons of anecdotes of significant others who one could never ever imagine to be able to lie or cheat, and then are revealed to being able to do so. Still, its just tough to see how it would really be possible, given that we live abroad and the circumstances of our daily lives. Of course, "where there's a will there's a way" but it just doesn't seem to fit.
I guess I am just really struggling with the idea of being a "confident, attractive person" based on the points i make above. Being emotionally vulnerable is key in loving relationships, and unless I am certain she is really gone, how am i supposed to act?
