C, if he was sitting beside you right now telling you he was willing to work on it, how would you feel then? And came back with all of his shattered pieces to lay them at your feet, say I don't know who I am or what I want, will you accept this and that and maybe some of that, and what the next years are going to look like? Will you trust me enough to sign up for more? Or not, depending on how I feel in my next sentence? My guess is you might feel just as or probably more nauseous than you do now? (ask me how I know.)
There's no time machine, love. Neither one of you can un-do this, no matter how you package, or with whatever tact. He doesn't deserve any, and there you go, it's a 180 for you to deliver without a lot of padding and considerate framing.
I told a stranger who did my nails this weekend that my H was trying to break up with me. And it sounded so cute and innocent and we laughed so hard. What magic in that acceptance. She told me about a place called Hostel in the Woods in GA that I think I'm going to head to real soon.
Of course this isn't what you want and it hurts. (hugs) You're not responsible for helping him find the tools or himself. You gotta keep on with you. Let go of the stigma of being a divorced woman - those discarded feelings aren't for someone like you. You may be a divorced woman, not because of lack of effort or heart, but because you gave it all and had to choose life. A friend of mine told me that if this continued, I would be destroyed, and no one wanted to see me lose myself like that. Imagine that some day this will be a period of your life you're thankful for, and have moved past.
Arms open for the good that is ahead for you. You got this.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
