I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[Frank75]

OMG That's^^ crazy great news! (I've had friends fly in from Alaska and Sweden to attend. Do check their website b/c they have one coming up, but they only do a few each year. ) [/color]



I did hear about that Retrovaille thing before i think, but is it religious based? My wife is pretty adamantly atheist so that would be a big ask to get her to go even if they didn't bring faith into the actual process.


I understand ^^ this. My h is no longer a believer, although he can handle the word "God" being said. I had some fears about it being "too Catholic" (for him, not me, b/c I am Catholic). I worried that they'd say we had to go to Mass together, etc.

For the record, if we were just dating, his non belief would now be a deal breaker for me. But that's my own internal dilemma as his wife of 30+ years.

But at our Retrovaille, which was "Catholic", there was a retired priest in the background, who volunteered to have anyone "who had a bad experience with the Church or clergy" to come talk to him. I thought that was pretty brave of him. I didn't hear him say a word about attending Mass together or praying together, although one of the team couples suggested that it helped THEM when they began to piece their marriage back together. Also, their stories tend to make most of us feel pretty good about our situations b/c they have some heartbreaking stories (the death of a child, multiple affairs or out of wedlock children) that make your situations pale in comparison. At least that's how I felt.

At Retrovaille, it's almost all about the "Team couples" who share their stories with you, piece by piece (the order in which they tell their stories makes sense once you realize what they hope is revealed to you). AND there are readings and exercises each couple does with each other, or alone.

There is no need to publicly share private things. Also, someone on team will call each spouse before the retreat to discuss/end any affair if there is one, and that has to happen before the weekend.

I am fairly confident there are Retrovaille weekends for non believers, but obviously a lot fewer. In any case, there was NO attempt to indoctrinate or convert at ours, but if the mere word "God" offends her, that could be an issue.

This^^ is another reason a workshop like EE might also be great for you, even though it's about individual growth. I've never seen a couple Not benefit by having even just one of them go. If you improve as a person, you improve as a spouse.



I'm searching for counselors now, i'll need to drive 5+ hours round trip for one but it will be worth it.


Good grief, where the heck do you live? How hard will it be to move? (But yes it will be well worth it!)

I'm not saying you are "Blaming" her here^^ but I crossed it out b/c it does not help you to put your focus on her.

You cannot heal without detaching

and you cannot detach without Gal

and that means making yourself and the life you want to create, your sole focus.

Later on, you can monitor for results.

Make sense?[/color]

i know, weird coincidence. and Retrovaille i think is on the other side of the state.

As for that, sad as it is a major reason she's so anti-church now is because before we got married and we inquired at our local catholic church (I am/was catholic) and the priest there had such a NASTY reaction when he found out she wasn't baptized. It mortified me and made my wife feel so ashamed, it was just a bad scene. So we wound up eloping in bermuda. Anyway, sorry for the tangent but that's why it would be very hard to get her to go to something like that.

We're north of spokane right on the bc border. nothing much up here besides forest. it's beautiful but so lonely when you're in a situation like i am. moving won't be too hard, i plan on living minimalist. plate/fork/knife/laptop/futon lol

After 3+ years here living like it's 1890 (with internet) i'm getting kind of excited to live near people again, have a new apartment, gym/pool etc. Small steps