Calibri (3)

[Calibri]

Hi all:

General update because I'm at work, and I actually HAVE to get work done, as opposed to yesterday where I just stared at the screen of my computer.

First: thank you to everyone who has stopped in and commented. I appreciate you all. Everyone has made good points. I apologize that I haven't been active on other people's threads. I'm just shell shocked right now.

I went to the lawyer and discussed my options. The best solution is for me to file for legal separation, which will protect assets and decide how we will split things, should we divorce. The Lawyer is going to send a letter to my H, basically saying, it is the understanding of my client (me) that you no longer wish to remain married and thus my client has started the process, blah blah, you have a week to have you or your representative work with us or we escalate to the next step.

The letter is going to be delivered to his work through certified mail, which MORTIFIES me, for him. But as I don't know where he now lives (he moved out of his hotel room ---hooooray), and I didn't want it sent to his work email, the only other options were to mail it to him, or have him pick it up at the lawyers office. I may asked them to give that option. I don't know.

I really, really would like to speak to him before these get delivered to him. Because I think it's the adult thing to do. I wouldn't want to get papers delivered out of nowhere, even if he was planning on starting the paperwork himself.

The more and more I've talked to my mom, my SIL, my friends, people who know him, the more we are baffled that he would ask/let his mom do the dirty work. It's just not his character. Especially when he knows how much I dislike his mother. We're wondering if H mentioned in a distressed conversation with his mother about being busted for the online dating, etc that we were probably heading towards D and she took it upon herself to deliver the news. She's a vindictive B like that. But the fact of the matter is, H knows she delivered the news to me, he hasn't retreated that or apologized, so I guess we will take it at face value.

I shouldn't care, really, how he finds out about the paperwork. But, I guess I have more poise and grace than he or his family - I would never have my mother call and do my dirty work. I feel we owe it to our relationship to have a conversation about this. So he's just not sitting at work all happy go lucky and then opens up a letter that just blows up his own world. I wasn't give that courtesy, but I feel he's owed it.

So I emailed him - at work - since he has now blocked me from all aspects of communication, and asked if he would call me on his lunch break. That I had a time sensitive manner to discuss that had to be done over the phone. He responded -- he can't do it, he's off site in meetings all day and riding with people, but he'll see what he can do to text me later.

Fine. If that's how you want it, that's how you get it.

It's just SOOOOOOO TACKY.

I don't even know what to say. Probably something along the lines of, I don't want this - but I respect that this is the path he wants to go down.

And, maybe it's mind reading -- but it is. He got caught. He started flip flopping about what he wanted. First it was he didn't want to work on the M, and then it was he did want to work on the M and then is was, he felt pressured to work on the M and then it was you can't talk to me anymore because my IC says we suck at communication and this is my boundary and you will abide by it, but I do think we should go to MC to see if we can sort ourselves out, to radio silence to his mother calling and gleefully telling me I'm getting divorced.

There's a small part of me that hopes this will jerk him awake and he has some sort of revelation.

The reality is, he will probably be so relieved that he wasn't the bad guy, and I will likely never hear from him again.

There's so much that would have to be overcome on both sides for this to work. And I don't think he will do it. I don't think he has the tools to do it.

And I don't think he wants to do it.

I should've listened to him back in September when he told me he was done. I should've just accepted it and let it go. Instead I stood for myself and our M. And for what? To have it end by my psychotic mother in law telling me over the phone because my H is hiding from me. To having to take PTO to go to lawyers offices to protect myself because I have no idea what's coming next and I can't trust anyone to do the right thing.

This is not what I wanted. This is not what I want. But this is what it is.

I hate all of this.