I am actually ok. I cannot tell you how appreciative I am of all of you dropping by to offer your support and hugs. This place really rallies when someone is suffering. It's amazing!
I did not sleep well but I wasn't up all night crying and cursing his name.
You know in books like Eat, Pray, Love and movies about someone overcoming adversity there are always "magical moments" where the author/main character sees or hears something and it's the one pivotal moment in all of their lives that makes them realize something huge and later it's a big amazing part of their book or movie?
I think I'm always waiting for that one quote from someone wise or moment in meditation where I just am enlightened beyond belief and see so clearly what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to do it and suddenly I'll start making millions and life will be amazing and men will find me hopelessly attractive and all will be right with my world quickly and beautifully.
Let's face it, that's not how it works. But I wonder if seeing your WAH's catfish Facebook page pop up in your "suggested friends" feed is one of those moments.
Yep. He started a Facebook page under his screen name on fetish sites complete with a profile picture of himself which he changed to now be a picture of a woman's hands tied up with lots of rope. How did I discover this, you ask? Did I dig and stalk? Oh no. Facebook SUGGESTED I friend him which means Facebook is SUGGESTING many of our mutual friends friend him, too.
I took a screen shot of the friend suggestion and was going to text it to him saying, "must have been bored today" but I opted to see how it transpires.
Is it possible to turn off love in a single moment?
Because that's what feels like happened; like a switch was flipped inside of me. I didn't do it, it just happened.
After my heart stopped pounding so hard and the cold sweat dissipated I thought about what I'm really fighting for here. What am I really standing for?
The sad part is, I really just don't know. I really don't.
Is this what dropping the rope feels like?
If this is something you can't have in your life, if this crosses your boundaries, I think you got your lightbulb moment.
Hugs
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
