Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[HPoirot]

Hello Train, Karma, Vanilla, and SRD. Thank you for your views on my "backslide." The thing is... I really want to move on and I feel irritated I'm not along as much as I thought. Like PM suggested... I'm only good when I'm limiting the contact. When I allowed her in a little bit yesterday, I allowed myself to feel a little hopeful and then kind of crappy about it. Now I'm a little pissed off.

Today S12 has a snow day from school. First thing this morning, she texts to ask if she can pick up S12 midday for a few hours. S12 tells me she wants to take him to lunch. I wanted to go sledding with him. I don't have to though. Even so, I reply... "No thank you XW."

She replies... "Why not HP?" I don't reply.

She later texts that she didn't mind when he stayed with me to go sledding on her Saturday with him. Asks me to please say yes.

She later texts that she wants to take him to her friend's house so he can see her daughter's and please say yes.

I'm starting to feel that tired feeling of hating to hear from her again. So I'm letting my bad feelings about my having expectations yesterday send me back to the other extreme of ignoring her.

Starting to feel the "I don't want this" and "what does she want from me" feelings again.

"I miss you," was the worse possible thing she could say to me. Very cruel. Does she not realize this?

I don't feel as bad as I would have a few weeks ago. I'm taking this as a learning experience to not let her in emotionally at all.

Just keep going.