This is going to take a lot of time and patience on your behalf. You may have to wisely be over generous and caring when this does not come naturally. W will need to find and identify her boundaries to stop herself from flashing and protecting. She has to travel this journey herself first before W can contemplate a R with the H and sitch she wishes to escape. I understand that desire so well the want to be free to learn strength for yourself. when I first visited this board I was abused and weak, unhappy and a screaming banshee. Before any R then I will need to be strong, for I have been very confused. I loved but that love was used and worn down.
A little bit of background may be in order. My W is a very soft, gentle person. She is shy and socially anxious. This has been a life-long issue for her and she always felt a lack of confidence because of this (so many self-help books on this topic in our bookshelf). Right now, at least around me, I can see she is really trying to change her demeanor and project assertiveness, but she is failing horribly at it. Of course it's not particularly her fault since I have a 15 year advantage and know all her tells, but I'm also the worst person to train on because when cornered have a tendency to sacrifice my own well-being just to get at others (observe self-harm reference in my first post). So she wants things and tries to push for them, but I can't just give her whatever she comes up with either and always have to be vigilant about not going into kamikaze mode again. It's such a delicate balancing act at the moment and every second of conversation feels like a lifetime.
Me:31 W:31 D:6 T: 9/2001 M: 1/2009 W unhappy: 6/14 W moves to parents: 10/14 W wants D (angry): 12/14 W okay w/ S: 2/15 W wants D (calm): 2/15 W gets new job/place: 3/15 W admits PA, suggests MC: 8/15
