Mighty, You sound so much better. Try to remember that he not only divorced you, but he actually fired you from being his wife, lover, and companion. I noticed that when I thought of the term "fired" when I was going through this, it made it far easier for me to detach.
Yes, you do have to stop doing things for him, i.e., offers of dinner, etc. He's a big boy and he can take care of himself. After all, he is the one that walked away from a good marriage and family. He had choices and he made the wrong ones. It's okay to be civil/friendly, but you do not need to be rescuing him from himself. He's got to do that for himself.
As for the ow, well, it does sound like he was happy as a clam last spring and who knows what's going on w/him now, but I wouldn't give him or the ow space in my head rent free. You've got a lot of living to do and plenty of love to share w/others.
Mighty, you are slowly getting to the finish line. It's a one minute, one hour, one day at a time deal. Get a rubber band and place it on your wrist. When you think of him or think of doing something for him, snap that band. The sting will bring you back to reality very quickly. Unless the tasks involve your children, I'd leave him out there to twirl in the wind. You do not need this drama in your life.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
