I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[MCS]

So, I went to see a Pastor from another church today. My (our) Pastor knew that W left, I talked to him BD weekend, but have not had any conversation with him other than during Church greetings.

So after S, W started to go to a different location, but under the same church that we went to before. So, many of the same people and the Pastors switch between churches

I've wanted to sit down and talk with our Pastor, but was hesitant about letting the sitch out of the bag. Mainly because I was worried/scared about W getting upset that he knew and using that as another thing against me. So since detachment, I've been debating about talking to him, especially because I'm not too concerned with the W's reaction right now if she found out.

My main questions (from a faith standpoint) were: If W wants out of the M and I don't; where does that leave me? Is DB good if W doesn't want it? Am I still honoring her as a wife even if I'm going against her (i.e. she wants D.) How do you get married in Church and D in a Courthouse.....is there closure in the eyes of the Church?

So talked with this other Pastor to see what his advice was. He had some really good points. Basically, gave the DB answer right off the bat, there's nothing you can do to change her mind right now. Also said that with W's behavior it seemed like she was in a rebelling phase, like she still is not comfortable with her decisions; but is trying to run from dealing with them.

Also, gave a huge shout out to all of us DB'ers, especially the men. He said he doesn't see men come in and try to R nearly as much as he would like, especially if W was involved in A. He said that all that we do for DB is favorable and we shouldn't worry that we are doing the 'wrong' thing just because our spouses don't seem to want it right now. Lastly, said that I should use my 'home' church and talk to them. He said that they may have a little bit better of an ability to focus the response on W and I, especially since we are in the same congregation.

So, I think I'm going to contact my Pastor and explain the sitch and ask some advice. I'm slightly worried that it would be seen as controlling by my W. The Pastor today tried to reassure me that while W may be upset at first, its the right thing to do and if she were to get out of her fog; would realize it was done from Love and not any malice.

Your thoughts?