Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[PatientMan]

Let's set aside that, as sandi2 pointed out, you may be playing her game (part of the distance/pursuit dynamic ...also noteworthy is the 'Castle' analogy):

This is the distance/ pursuit dynamic at work. If you pull back as it sounds like you have, then her reaction will be to pursue you (wants to eat together, sleeps in your bed). What you should do is not react. This is the "castle analogy" written by Tumbling that helps explain what is going on and how you should react:

Imagine that the WAS is inside an impenetrable castle. WAS is deep inside the castle walls and has no desire to see the outside world. The drawbridge is up and there's a moat all the way around the exterior. WAS has his/her own world right there inside those cold, stone walls.

Then there's you. You're sitting on the other side of the moat. You've got a nice blanket laid out on the cool, green grass, and you're enjoying yourself by having a wonderful picnic all alone. You're absolutely content with this, and aren't even concerned with the castle and the WAS within (in fact, you've got your back to it).

Eventually, WAS gets a little curious about what's going on outside the castle, and decides to take a peek over the walls. WAS sees you, just sitting there enjoying yourself. He/She is surprised, because previously you had been throwing rocks at the castle, singing and dancing in hopes of getting their attention. WAS is wondering what you're up to, and why you're so content. After a while, WAS decides to lower the drawbridge and join you at your picnic. WAS sits down, and you just act as if -- you're happy, confident, etc. Suddenly, WAS realized where he/she is and what he/she is doing, and it scares the hell out him/her. WAS jumps up and dashes back to the castle for no apparent reason. You however, didn't even budge or flinch. WAS peeks back out to see what you're doing, and notices that you're still sitting in the same place, enjoying yourself without concern. Again, WAS is surprised, and eventually comes out again. This time WAS stays a little longer, but again gets spooked and runs back. However, you're still not deterred from enjoying your picnic. The WAS's visits begin to happen more and more, and they last longer and longer. Once he/she realizes that there is no risk for him/her (i.e. that you won't bring up the R, pursue her, get angry, become needy, etc), WAS begins to reflect on things, and begins questioning his/her choice to go to the castle. In time, WAS decides to bring up the R, and this is when you can discuss it with him/her because WAS is ready and has initiated the talk.

So you detach and GAL and leave her to sort her thoughts and join you if/ when she's ready.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2314623#Post2314623

So setting aside that you don't want to play that game, look how you are reacting to letting her back into your emotional world a little bit. It's emotionally dangerous, wouldn't you agree? Don't allow yourself to get too upset about it or beat yourself up over 'making a mistake', just learn that you aren't ready to handle her in that capacity yet.

(Metaphors and similes help me as I'm a visual person.) Think of 'detaching' as a pool and you don't know how to swim. You started to get in at the shallow end, but the water was too cold and you didn't like it. Now you seem to be used to the water temperature and are doing fine in the shallow end where your feet touch the bottom, so you got out of the pool, went over to the diving board, and dove right into the deep end. Only you found out you can't swim well enough yet and you are struggling!

Make sure you do your work in the shallow end before you even THINK about going into deeper water.

Be safe!

-PM