There is a lot of underlying work to do. The past is the past and will not be changed and eclipse that is both an excellent thing and a difficult thing.
Thank you for being honest, some board members are unhappily closed and that limits the advice they are given. If you read any of my sitch you will understand that I am an abused W. And I nearly walked away from my M, and I would point out to you that I am not in any way wayward, so I talk from an abused W standpoint only. I understand the abuse W view (or any abused party W or H) and as a result of the abuse then flashbacks and curl ups occur. In order to protect what is left of our self esteem we need to find ourselves again.
This is going to take a lot of time and patience on your behalf. You may have to wisely be over generous and caring when this does not come naturally. W will need to find and identify her boundaries to stop herself from flashing and protecting. She has to travel this journey herself first before W can contemplate a R with the H and sitch she wishes to escape. I understand that desire so well the want to be free to learn strength for yourself. when I first visited this board I was abused and weak, unhappy and a screaming banshee. Before any R then I will need to be strong, for I have been very confused. I loved but that love was used and worn down.
There is a lot of work that you will have to do on eclipse and generally you will need to atone for the past harms done. Making amends and growing for your own sake to become a better dad and eclipse are paramount. Abuse damages the abuser, that should never be under stated. The journey for those seriously abused is hard but for the abuser much harder as they also carry guilt. Changes needed must be more than superficial and for your own sake enduring. DB is a good place to start and you will get plenty of encouragements and 4x4s here.
Mza is a good guide as to the accomplishment of a man who has changed his life, a man who has grown and grown with DB. Over the months a wonderful young man with great resolve and spirit has emerged from a crisyls. I recommend you read his threads and take his guidance fully to heart. There is no better.
In the meanwhile explore Sandi guidelines for yourself.
