MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

Thanks BklynMom... I hope I did everything right with my replies. I still feel like I goofe up a bit before she left the house -- but at least I didn't have any tears in my eyes -- I am pretty sure I just looked angry and exasperated with her when she started to thank me.

I awoke this morning to a text from her -- once again thanking me for the trip, saying she had just picked up her luggage and was headed out of the airport, would talk to me next week and to give the kids hugs and kisses for her again. I have not responded to the text message. Not even a simple "thanks for letting me know you arrived safely" -- and that's usually at least what I would reply back to her on those kinds of texts.

I do hope she is already feeling some guilt and that's why she keeps thanking me and asking me to tell the kids she loves them. I know she does miss the kids, but I do hope and pray that God grants her some moments of sanity and awareness of reality on this trip... Even if those moments are brief and fleeting... I hope and pray that she begins to see what she has done/is doing -- I know she is still a long way off from truly waking up and making her way out of the tunnel, but I pray that something begins to happen on this trip to move her forward through the tunnel... I still believe that I probably have to move out of the house in order for her to really progress through the tunnel -- but I can still hope and pray for miracles!

On my end -- had a GREAT annual checkup with my doc today. She was really pleased to see a better mental and physical state of being in me compared to where I was a few months ago when I went to her to help me deal with the nervous breakdown I had after BD. Just had lunch and am about to head out to some spiritual counseling with a local clergy member.

Honestly, I am cycling up and down very quickly today (as I was over the weekend), but I am not surprised -- I am experiencing something incredibly painful that I have never in my life experienced and never expected to experience with my W. I know up until a few days ago I thought I was detached enough that I would be feeling this rush of emotions after she left, but now that it's happening I am not surprised and I am just doing my best to ride the crazy waves of the emotional storm with the hope that after a few days things will settle down again for me emotionally.