We advise DBers to post their draft emails/responses here FIRST for feedback and suggestions. Not because you are not capable, but because newbies do not yet have the tools on how to DB effectively through email using the STFU and KISS principles.
Generally speaking, we do NOT encourage sending emails or letters to WAS because it introduces pressure for them and they actually push them away. Writing letters falls under the begging and pleding column. We would not want that, do we? No?
Let's dissect your letter as we cannot unring that bell, shall we?
Hi Scott,
I have had some time now to digest our convo from Jan 1. I know when we talked you asked if I wanted a divorce I said no. That was before I heard what you had to say. After hearing where you are are at I have to say that yes I want a divorce. I do not want to be in an open marriage.What did you hope to acheive with this comment? How's that keeping the road to home paved smooth?? You need to remember that many WASes speak in the absolutes and then later on change again. They're confused and many things escape their mouths that seemingly ring true when the opposite is "true." Make sense? I accept that you seem to be in a MLC that could take years to work through. Will Robinson!! Careful of assigning labels that you know nothing about and are in NO position to do so. How's that helping HIM? Not at all. Right. It does come across as being judgemental and superior to him. Ohh lala.After supporting you for many years and helping you achieve soul custody of Mikka I had hoped that we could have given her the life we promised. From what I understand from our talk it doesn't matter what would make Mikka happy or what would make me happy.Do I detect some resentment in there? Like he owes you something here? You are wanting to date with no expectations. Good luck with that. I wish I had known that before supporting you for many years.
It truly saddens me to see you become what everyone else told me you were before me.Why would you bring other people's opinion in your M? How's that helping you and him? If you were to reconcile with H down the road, how do you think he'll feel about this??! You told me you didn't want to be the typical married couple. Guess what neither did I. I thought you were going to be a fun companion. I have never been the typical house wife. I was so bored in the house. Whose fault is that?? Is your H responsible for your happiness?? I think not.
I made a slide show today of pics of Ryan. I had to go through many pics to put it together. It made me sad because I saw pics of us. We were happy and looked in love. Have you ever looked back at our pics. It seemed to me you erased all that was good in our past life. Slapping my forehead. Did you have to show him how weak you are?? Nope. Be the strong and courageous one. He made the CHOICE to walk away...not you. It is all on him. Yopu know the truth: you have had many, many good happy memories of your M and family. Right now, H is high on OW dopamine so he blocks everything out of his mind where the OW is concerned.
At this point I have to think of you as dead to me. The you that I knew is dead so I have to move on with my life. I am starting to date and seeking s life companion . Are you trying to "prove" something to H by making that sort of comment? Actions speak louder than words. And I know you don't want a D nor date others. Why even say that except to try to iniduce some jealousy in H. That never, never works. Trust me. Our talk was good because it helped me let you go.
I do hope you are planning on paying me out soon. You are in NO position to negotiate with H since you are not even in the D process at all. It just made you look weak in H's eyes. Why? You just created a perception that you "need" H for your needs. I have planned my mortgage around u paying me out. Considering I spent a good part of my DAds money supporting us and left you with everything in the house I think our agreement is very fair.What agreement? There's no agreement at all since you two are not in any D proceedings at this moment. Why get ahead of yourself here? Please let me know when you are able to do this. Thanks.
I am hoping once you pay me to take Mikka away this summer with Louise and Eileen to Mexico. Why do you expect H to pay you? He doesn't owe you vacation money. I am not undrestanding this part at all. Care to explain a bit more? I have some time off in July.
I hope you find what ever it is that you think will make you happy. I want only the best for you. Once you pay me out I want to file for divorce either through Steven or Aaron. I don't care. Maybe its just me...but this smacks of exortion to me. That's how it came across to me. Imagine how H would view this?
Loved you once
Kerrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A word to the wise, please post here FIRST before you hit the send button. We could have saved you a world of trouble with this type of thing. I tell all newbies to keep it short and concise to 1 to 2 paragraphs.
Oftentimes, I tell them not to EVER send out anything to the WAS and let their actions speak for themselves.
