Having a rough one. H is coming back into town and I feel a mess inside about it. DB is about the independence, strength and not being yanked around on the other end of that rope.
After reading some of the 2nd and 3rd bombs that are dropping all around this board...I think my guts are churned up waiting for mine. I tell myself over and over again that nothing has changed, to not expect a change of heart or mind on his part. He may stay for a few days and it will mean nothing.
I want to welcome him back with all that love and compassion, unconditional friendship and hope that paves a way along with my centered strength. It's just so hard to imagine with the anger and resentment I've been trying to process in realizing the big picture. If there was Drano to get that stuff out of the system quickly, I'd be all over it.
Give me a few thoughts here, guys. How to receive him, how to hold myself up through it. And the sex thing - it will be an option. I am here because I want to save my M, and show him I've heard him, that it's not too late. That's what my heart wants. My head knows it's time to prepare for the worst, or more of the same.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
