It is perfectly understandable to go through all gamut of emotions and feel depressed. You have every legitimate right to do so. You've had a devastating discovery that blows at the very core of your soul. Shattering.
My suggestion is to let your emotions settle for a bit longer and take no action at this stage. I am not a fan of taking any type of action when one's feeling emotional thus their judgment is clouded. You may think that you're thinking clearly. Perhaps to a point. Again, I'd urge you to sit on your hands for a week to two weeks.
You need to give yourself permission to process this new information and allow your emotions have a say. Within the confines of your home away from H and the kids. This is your journey and yours alone. You have the support of some really awesome DBers walking the path with you.
Just so you know, many DBers have DB'd without a legal separation in place and come out as success stories with reconciled Ms. Trust the process for it DOES work.
IF you are concerned about finances, then you would want to set up your own banking account and have all of your money deposited in it. Then you can make some small deposits to the joint account (if you guys do have one) to cover the necessities of your household and the kids. This can be easily done without a legal separation in place.
