I had a horrible weekend regarding the whole issue that involves finances. I am going in so many directions at the same time, it is very upsetting and tiring. I want to have my H back, I believe I can forgive myself and him. I believe we can work on our M and became stronger together.
But, I don't know what to think, what to feel, what to do. Sometimes I am very sure I will fight for my M then I stumble in the issue that I need to straight the finances and separate everything so I do not have surprises that will make me regret later for doing nothing.
Then other times I think that going for a legal separation or D is the only way to go now, I will make sure the kids and I are secure and if H wants to come back sometime in the future, then we will see what happens then.
Sometimes I miss him, would like to talk to him and believe we can start over and sometimes I hate him, I am offended, hurt and want him to go for good.
When I say I have no hope, I am not lying, I really feel very hopeless. H already set with me to talk about D settlement, he already told me that he wants to move on and he said nothing about working in our M ever again.
I saw him with OW, he has been with her for the whole week, he is not calling, text, not even the kids anymore. He does not have a family anymore. I see my kids hurting. They say they don't want to see or be with their father because he is a jerk that does not deserve their love. It's not the nicest thing to hear from your children.
Yes OW is 1 and I am 0. And that's the way I see it right now too. I checked the Boston Marathon. As a matter of fact I lived in Boston before, loved it and would go back on a blink of an eye. I really miss that place. I got it that it is a Marathon. And I am not giving up.
I just don't know how much serving my H with the Legal separation will help to reconcile. Besides, I may serve him with it and he can push for a final D during the process. But, if I don't do it, there are so many risks involved, and I do not have that right to sit around and maybe make my kids go through a hard time.
Wonka, what would you advise me. How should I feel, what should I do, how do I proceed from here if there will be legal separation? I am willing to continue DBing, like so many people did before me, I can live my life and if H comes back, then we can try to work on our M. But how to DBing if you are legally asking the separation?
God, this whole thing is driving me crazy... please, tell me how do you see all this, what would you do, it will help me to take my own conclusions.
