Strong EA after 2yrs M - trying to detach. #3

[Complex]

I know exactly what you are saying Sandi. It's not like I didn't try and worked to support us at all. Without me she wouldn't even be able to hold the condo we bought by herself. I took on 2 jobs in the beginning of the year and worked very hard. Then I dropped one and committed on helping a small business to grow and have a letter of intent with my boss that I'll eventually take over the business and he gave me the manager position. Pay is still too low to support myself, it's growing, but not fast enough for me to be on my own feet in a few months.
Either way, I am smart enough and educated enough to find a solution/another job to support myself.
We live a high standard...Orange County...I'll have to work hard, but I'm not afraid of it.

I do not talk to W about how dependent I am, at all. But I'm sure she's aware of my situation.
She even accused me of a selfish love, probably regarding that I'm just needy and doesn't love her for who she really is.
But I am 100% sure she is the love of my life. I knew it from the first moment I met her. And that didn't change, even with what she has done. I believe in her, I have a lot of respect for her...but I guess I didn't show her enough .

But I know...I'm not a "finished" person/adult that havent had his stuff figured out for a long time. She sees me as a weak link in our marriage. Then she was very vulnerable for OM, who IS what she wants.

That's why I believe this is the best thing that ever could've happened to me.
I'll keep going to become more independent. I need that. I relied on her, or more on the marriage itself and thought we can figure it out. She was the stable part, I was the 'entrepeneur' and 'risk taker'. I'm very smart..it's not like that.
We learned a lot from each other. And I believe our marriage is worth saving. Not right now.... We both need to mature, she emotionally and me responsibilty wise.

It's a great life opportunity for me to grow and I'll take it! God has a plan for all of us. I'll go with it, that's all I can do and make the very best out of it.