I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[Frank75]

I think i've finally wrapped my head around the thought of at least being able to move out. Will it be tough and sad as hell? Yes. Will it possibly allow me to show my wife that I'm serious about our future? Yes.

Our situation is unique in that we live in a small house, i work from home, and there's NOTHING around us. So by moving here a few years ago I just think it put a laser focus on our issues and we still had no idea how to go about trying to fix them. I think by me moving out of the house, we can possibly try to reconnect with IMs and phone calls instead of both sitting here in silence (or in different rooms) and having the constant feeling of unhappiness hovering over us. Maybe even eventually convincing her to drive down to visit and go see a movie/get dinner and discuss life.

I also plan on joining a gym, possibly volunteering at an animal shelter in my off time, going back to church for the first time in 20+ years, and i'm sure some other things. The more I wrap my head around this whole thing, the more i'm realizing how much i lost myself over the last few years, i think i was depressed and didn't realize it, and all of my thoughts were being focused on how happy/unhappy my W was each day and having my life revolve around that.

Don't get me wrong, i'm still sadder than hell, but i'm trying to focus on positives and not get hung up on negatives. It's the only way i can make it through this....i guess the human brain has some sort of self-preservation built in.