Really? You think that's a good idea huh Wonka? Even if I haven't spoken a word to her since the end of October? I guess you're probably right that it's a good idea.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hi there. I think it's fine to wish her HBD - as long as you do so without expectations. Not expecting/hoping for a reply. Not being disappointed if you don't get one...
But if you are happy to send a text - because you want to say HBD to your XW - and then let it go...go for it!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Well I am quite sure I will get a reply, that's not my worry. My worry is finding out where she is at these days. I have nonidea what's up with her and I'm kind of afraid to find out. In following advice here I never ever checked her Facebook page so I have no clue what's going on with her and I am afraid to find out if she has a boyfriend or whatever now.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I'm late to the party, I see. How have you been doing, beside missing your W? You have done a good job in not perusing her.
I suppose I have a suspicious mind when it comes to a WAW, but I don't think it is weird that she talks to your aunt once a month or that it's odd her mother has suddenly started following you on FB. No clues? It is her way of keeping track of you!
Sometimes men are just too easy. (jk).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Sandi!!! I hope 2015 is being good to you! Yes I figured it was a way for them to keep track of me. What do you mean when you say no clues Sandi? Also what's your opinion on me texting a happy birthday today? As I said I have not spoken a word to her since our exchange I posted about back in October. Other than that I am clueless what she has been up to as I never looked at her FB page or anything like that.
Last edited by ItHurts; 01/25/1509:57 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Also what's your opinion on me texting a happy birthday today?
I probably would not have encouraged it, however, maybe it won't be a negative. I know you have been missing her a lot, however, I often feel that birthdays, etc., are harder on the LBS than the one who walked away. You know me, I am quick to tell the LBH not to do anything to pursue,which I personally see sending cards that way, but that JMO.
If you will not follow up with some other form of contact, I don't think it hurt too much. Just lets her know you were thinking about her.
I tell ya, with some of these sweet ladies around here, I must look awful calloused at times. Although, my heart does mean well.
Are you still GAL? Ever see that lady friend?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Sandi! Well I haven't sent the birthday text yet as I was waiting for you. So I guess I won't send it. Yes I have been GALing and playing the field so to speak. Things didn't work out with that lady friend but I have a few ladies interested in me but as I said, WAW has been on my mind again so I haven't been able to get those feelings for them. Plus it doesn't help when every time me and a new lady share our stories they always inevitably say " I bet you you haven't heard the last of her" or "she's going to regret leaving you." It's hard to hear other women say those things because I don't believe that anymore but its always what they say in some form or another. I guess it's because our divorce wasn't nasty and there was still a lot of love between WAW and I that they say these things. I guess most divorces weren't like ours I'm learning.
Last edited by ItHurts; 01/25/1511:25 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Yeah I go out every weekend and I don't hate my life...I just wish now that I changed and "get" what my WAW wanted from me that she was here so we could share the new me together. If only I knew then what I know now we have so much fun and things would be so different. By the way...my guy friends say the same thing to me about WAW as does my family. They seem to still think she's going to come back, or try to, at some point. I don't see what they see but I guess that's normal. So I shouldn't send a birthday greeting then right Sandi? Bad idea?
Last edited by ItHurts; 01/25/1511:41 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I'd advise against the message. It sounds like the dust is starting to settle for you. I understand you still have pangs, regret, etc. Totally fine.
I am going through something similar. I don't really miss my W. We had a bad M and I was nearly a WAH except I don't believe in that, I believe in growing and making it work. But it didn't go that way. Honestly I'm doing better in my life than I probably EVER have. Ever. Wow. That's great to write.
That said, I do think about WAW and our failed M almost daily. Not compulsively. But maybe 5-20 minutes a day I'll just kind of try to process what happened. See, it's so overwhelming and lifechanging it's just impossible to understand what even happened. Why did it go that way? Why couldn't it be turned around? Does she still think of me? What's her version of how things played out? Etc. My brain just churns the thoughts for a few minutes. But two things have changed. 1) It doesn't really hurt anymore. Yes, some pangs. But not pains. Like I'm kind of numb to it all and it's just a sad memory. 2) I lose interest in those thoughts quickly. It's like one of those ring puzzles you can't solve, you play with it a while then realize you can't get the ring off the other ring and just run out of things to try, so you put it down and move on to something else. Similarly, I've spun around in circles enough that my brain loses interest in the R and I go on with my day.
I think you need to keep on your detached road and allow this process to continue. Honestly, having interactions with you and your ex won't help you to do this. You need to let the fire die down, this will just pour gasoline on it. Don't do it. Your R is over and I suggest you don't pick the scab. Let yourself heal.
JMHO. Take care and stay in touch!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
