Calibri (3)

[TLEE86]

C, I've obviously identified with you and have been following your sitch for a long time. Really feel like we've stated this journey together so again this really [censored] [censored] and I am truly sorry for this. I've been re-thinking of your sitch today and am going to play devils advocate for lack of better words..because my first reaction was also WTF?! Now I'm trying to take a step back and think a little

What did H really do wrong. He lied about what he was doing as far as online dating site and was flirting with OW and continued to lie until caught red handed. Obviously a pretty [censored] up move. But a lot of people, if not almost all, on this site have H/W in EA or PA's. Most lied until they got caught and are all still in them. So is this really uncommon or is this just the absolute one thing you will not tolerate, even if what he did boils down to continuously lying and flirting with random women via phone.

You said the one thing your boundary was when you were first S was you both will not date Other people. But isn't one of the first rules, don't believe anything they say? To include what he says about people pleasing or sort of wanting to go to counseling or work on M? By the time you guys separated, H was already lost in the sauce and had no idea what he was saying...I don't think he ever meant this promise because he was already in the fog.

As for his parents, good move on blocking them. But don't believe anything they say either...they're his parents and most parents, regardless of our R with in laws. Will defend their son or daughter first no matter what. There are few, I think, that actually side with the LBS, because it's their kid making the decision to leave the M...so they'll support that. Maybe I'm biased because my W mother is absolutely horrible with all this and I had a decent relationship with her.

As far as NC, I'd probably suggest that as well...maybe go completely dark for yourself, take a vacation if you can, anything to get your mind off this...I'm so sorry C. I know how much work and effort you put into this, I can see how much you've grown and all the books and sites you read.

To sum up this essay, I think at the end iof the day, H continuously lied about being on dating site and flirting with women, and said a bunch of crap about people pleasing..which we know WAS say all kinda of [censored]. So is what he did really uncommon and is it really something you won't push past?

You know of all people i stand by whatever you decide to do, an wish nothing but the absolute best for you..but these are just some thoughts after I've digested you sitch for a couple days. Praying for you.