Oh man. A little challenge... But I'm in the middle of handling it well. Lol. Like that?
If D is with me, H calls to chat with her before bed. When she is with him, I call. She is with me more and has lately said she feels like she doesn't get to see daddy much.
On weekends he has her, I stop by karate on Saturdays just to give a quick hug to her. He has started to do the same and did today. Whatevs.
He called tonight at 7:30 and he chatted with D until 8:15. I'll admit, I felt jealous. I'm lucky if I get a semi focused conversation for 8 minutes with her when I call. I know she misses him. He promised to call tomorrow morning, too.
At first I was mad at him. For not being aware that he's holding up her bedtime, for punching holes in my time with her. I wanted to stomp my foot and say, "but it's MY weekend and YOU DID THIS SEPARATION THING so get used to not seeing your kid all the time like I have to!!!!"
Luckily, I said no such childish thing. In fact, I said nothing.
I tucked D into bed and told her I know she really missed daddy. I also said that I'd love to chat with her like that on the phone . She just said, "ok!"
Huh.
And, as I sit with my jealousy I find myself feeling compassion for WAH. Yes, I want him to live his choices but I do know what it feels like to not be with D all the time. It hurts. My heart aches when she's not around. I imagine he feels the same way. I want tonight's long conversation to have made him feel good.
Not good about being a WAH of course but good in general.
I'm letting it sit for a bit longer and I know my jealousy will dissipate. I'm secure in knowing D loves me, that her talking to him forever isn't about me.
I definitely notice my urge to control. To control the length of their conversation. To control him punching holes in MY WEEKEND. To control his neediness for D to make him feel secure that he's doing right by her. To just control.
I don't even feel ashamed at admitting all my controlling urges because I'm now AWARE of them and what they mean. How I control to protect my heart.
H isn't trying to take her from me. He just likes chatting with her and she loves chatting with him.
That's a great thing, even if it gives me twinges of jealousy.
And I don't need to punish him to feel better. I am secure in my relationship with D. Yes, mine is more taken for granted by her because she's with me more and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff... It's ok.
It's ok.
I'm ok. It's not about me.
On a completely separate note, I'd love your opinion on something:
D has been tardy to school 6 times since school started. None of those are because of me. Is that something you'd bring up to WAH? I know that at least two of those times were because he wanted to let her sleep in. Um, that's not ok, it's a school day.
