Life 2.0 Pt 4

[NH115]

It's almost like it never crossed her mind that I could be the one to decide our marriage wasn't working instead of her. She point blank told me that she was frightened by that prospect. Whether she's actually afraid of losing me

Have you listened to anything Starsky or I have said? JK, we just happen to bring that point up quite often to newcomers.

Geez. Got dragged into another R talk. She's overwhelmed with our problems, she's panicky, etc.

She reiterated yet again how she doesn't trust me, isn't in love with me, and can't get it back. I asked her if that was how she truly felt, the why was she sticking around? She basically told me it was because she couldn't take care of herself and didn't have any better prospects

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I don't know what to tell you that hasn't already been said. STFU with the R talks! What does it take to get that through you skull? And stop blaming her for "dragging" you into it. She didn't force you to say anything.

Look, she is probably feeling a bit panicky and doubting that she made the right decision about OM (if she did indeed make it). She is trying to verbally hash it out by bringing up the same old stuff. I told you she would be depressed. SHE'S DEPRESSED! What the heck did you expect, a party? She wants to know she's made the right choice. So act like the right choice!

I know exactly how she feels. I felt the same way about my H and had plenty of doubts, too. I had no positive or good feelings toward him. I had no hope in the MR getting better, but I could not make it on my own financially. I felt trapped and couldn't breathe. Baically felt my life was over. In other words, I was not a happy camper! However, I was here. Your W is still there. .

OK, I needed that 2x4 now, Sandi.

I know all this. I was venting more than anything. It's just frustrating.

I don't really know where we are at this point. To a certain extent, we seem to be moving past the A. I know he's in her head too much, but they're not communicating. There was very little conversation when he was in town this week, and none after hours. Neither one of them made any effort to connect while he was here. She swears that he's in the "friend zone". Whatever. But it's not like I can disprove that in any way.

So, we're kind of in limbo. It doesn't necessarily feel like we're in piecing (I guess it depends on the day). The therapist advised us to stop getting into R talks, but that fell flat with her. She's afraid that if we stop talking about our issues then we (meaning me) will fall back into old habit patterns and go back to our bad old life. As if I'm that weak. To her, R talks make her feel closer to me...I don't know how that can be; we usually end up angry at each other. I usually come out of those feeling less optimistic.

I expected her to be depressed; Your last paragraph, Sandi, captures her rhetoric perfectly. She doesn't see anything good about staying with me, but she doesn't see anything good being on her own, either. She actually thinks that she's too old (at 43!) to attract a man and find that connection she says is dead with me.

So, what I'm doing...

I want my life back. I've stopped spending every evening locked in our room with her, talking in circles. If she wants to lay in there and play on Facebook constantly, that's her decision. But I want to stay busy and keep living. Specifically:

Concentrating on fitness...physical, mental and spiritual.
Working on getting a better job.
Doing better at my current job.
Continuing to build my flight instructing business.
Being with my kids.
Talking to friends.

If she wants to come and spend time with me, she's welcome. But I'm not going to spend every waking moment hanging around her.

I'm trying STFU about OM, which has been a huge challenge for me. My hatred for him is starting to burn me up, and it puts walls between me and W. I know that for our relationship to survive I'll need to put the A behind me sooner or later.