I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[susana4]

I really think i need to go to the doctor. As adverse as I am to pharmaceuticals, i'm on day 7 of just being completely panic-stricken/anxiety-ridden. I've never taken any depression or anxiety pills and i hate the thought of not being able to do this on my own, but i don't know how much more i can take. I can't get my brain to turn off, it's just a constant stream of panic-inducing thoughts and it's horrible.

edit: it's been exactly a week since my "dear frank" email, down to the minute.

Hi Frank, if you think that, please call your doctor and make an appointment as soon as possible. It's possible to get some medication in the short-term to help with the anxiety and depression, and you won't necessarily need to take it longer-term. It might just help right now.

If you feel in any way you might be a danger to yourself, or even if not, you might want to call a crisis phone line. I don't know what you've available but have a quick google. At one point I called one here that is available for a call for any reason (they handle not just suicide prevention but also depression, divorce, death in the family etc - they basically said if you're upset and need to talk you could call for any reason). It was so incredibly nice just to feel there was someone I could talk to at any time day or night that i needed. I called them in the middle of the night, when I'd woken up crying and couldn't sleep, and didn't want to disturb any friends or family. Maybe you could look into that, if you do want to talk to someone, as i know you mentioned you didn't want to tell your family right now.