Mighty

[uRworthy]

Mighty, I care about you. Thats where this next bit comes from. I read the words that you write, but, your actions and mindset dont really match them.

I dont pretend to know what it is like for you. I cant imagine. But I do know where you need to get to in order to feel peace. I want so much for you to get there. I believe you will.

You wrote this....

I hope he works things out. I do. But I am well aware I have no control over it.

And it isn't about him being with the baby. It's the fact that he is still so tangled up w HWW. And until he untangles from that... Or if he does... I don't want anything to do with it.

And also this...do you see how they dont line up?

I was hoping that the distance would help him take a look at himself and work on some things.

And this….

So, I think this is also why he would go from here to hww's. Maybe. And, now perhaps he will spend more time there.

And this…

I feel like maybe I see that more clearly since he was looking to see if we were around and since I wasn't, he went there? I mean, truthfully I don't know where he is, but... well.... I don't know.
Maybe it is good for him to really be "stuck" at bil for him totake a good look around at where he is.

You wrote this…

If he does imply that he wants to hang around, I think I can simply let him know that if he wants to spend time with me, he will find a way.

This ^^^^^ doesn’t jive with you letting him figure his stuff out, M.

Hww is probably saying things about d13 hanging up. She is asking why the kids dont go see the baby. She just doesn't get it.

This ^^^^ is not good for you…at all, in any way.

That's why I don't look or try to communicate- it makes my mind do dumb stuff.

Yet you are mindreading everything he is doing or saying..every text, every time his car isn’t there.

I know you want to find a way to detach. I can feel it. My fear is that you think you are, when you really aren’t. You are still very invested in his words and actions. You analyze it all. You try to figure it out. You get upset that he may be there. As I said, I get it, but I don’t want it for you, my friend.

I see you going around and around. Trying to see what things mean. Hoping that you stepping back is going to have an effect on him. That isn’t the road I want to see you take.

You have to decide, each and every day, that you are going to live your life for you and your children. You have to decide that you cannot control the outcome. You cannot control his crisis or his choices. You just cant, Mighty.

This was a journey he was meant to go on. More importantly, it was one you were. Let go of trying to understand it. Let go of looking to see where he is at on his journey. Live your life, Mighty. Fill it with things that bring you joy. We only get this one. The sooner you let go, the sooner you get to peace.